I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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