i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize