she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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