honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
