her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
