I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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