If that was your dad, he is hot
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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