Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
