Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
