we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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