if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
