Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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