Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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