btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
