I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
