Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
