I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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