Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
