I accidentally burped into my bong.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
