I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
