we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
