Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
