i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
