I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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