Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
