well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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