There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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