Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
