her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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