Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
