So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
