so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
