I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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