just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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