Soap is not a condiment
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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