I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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