Only a mothe r could love this liver
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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