You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
