i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
