I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
