did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
