Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
