if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
