Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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