Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize