A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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