At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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