I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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