I will die if light touches me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just pee around me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
