Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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